Last Thursday, I jetted off to Southern California for some work and some play and to be under the same roof with my husband (who travels 24/7 this time of year) for the first time in over a week. It was a much appreciated respite, since I have a respiratory thing that I could not shake and a schedule that would not allow any time off to recoup, leaving my physical office behind and the eastern time zone was a bit of a forced vacation.
Being completely insane, I had signed up for a half marathon in Huntington Beach a few months back, hoping that I could run-shame myself into being excited about running again. I had my eye on this race for a while, mainly because of the catchy “Surf City USA” branding for the race – I am a sucker for a good brand!! I also missed the therapeutic vibes that I got from a great run – no music, no running buddy, just me and my thoughts. But, after ankle surgery over a year ago, I never really got back into it. The months between sign up and last Sunday came quickly. The race was tough and, admittedly, I only ran about 2.5 miles of it. I walked the rest. 2.5 miles is not bad for not having run in over a year, but 11.5 miles of walking forces your thoughts to some odd places, namely, “why did I sign up for this?” But, there were some useful thoughts in there as well… Such as realizing that after beating myself up for a year because I had not gotten back into running half marathons, running that far just does not fit my lifestyle any more. I thought that I needed to be superwoman/overachieving mama in everything that I do and, if I could not run 13.1 miles, why bother running at all? Somewhere around mile 8, I realized that this line of thinking is not only self-defeating, but just crazy. If I held onto that line of thinking, I would never be able to appreciate the 2.5 miles that I just banged out after 14 months!
I recently participated in a personal development course that had us revise a story that we have been telling ourselves, thus making a negative story into a positive story. Or just deleting that story from our repertoire entirely. It helped me see that certain things I had been telling myself (in my case, one of my stories was a regret over choosing the collegiate and career path that I had chosen) were no longer necessary or true and sort of holding me back. I changed the story and, surprisingly, that small change has helped me tremendously. On Sunday, I realized that by telling myself that I had to be an overachiever or nothing at all when it comes to certain things was definitely holding me back, not only from doing things that I like to do, but trying new things as well. Time to change that story too!! Also, other random race thought after seeing 10 miles of coastline, “next hobby, surfing.” 😉